It's a cracker....

[Dave]

Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.

What would bears be without bees?
Ears.

How do you make an egg-roll?
You push it!

Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snowbank.

What do you call an angry carrot?
A steamed veggie.

What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.

Which Christmas film was 30 years ahead of its time?
Home Alone.

What do the Trumps do for Christmas dinner?
They put on a super spread.

Why can't Boris Johnson make his Christmas cake until the last minute?
He doesn't know how many tiers it should have.

Why couldn't Mary and Joseph join their work conference call?
Because there was no Zoom at the inn.

Why is it best to think of 2020 like a panto?
Because eventually, it's behind you.

Why did the pirates have to go into lockdown?
Because the "Arrrr!" rate had risen.

Why are Santa's reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve?
They have herd immunity.

Why didn't Mary and Joseph make it to Bethlehem?
All Virgin flights were canceled.

Did you hear that production was down at Santa's workshop?
Many of his workers have had to Elf isolate!

What is Dominic Cummings' favorite Christmas song?
Driving Home for Christmas.

Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can 'ho ho ho'!